Blog #3 : “You want more? They’ll give you more.”

A mushroom told me this once.

I was knee deep in my first solo mushroom ceremony back in 2018. I call it the Bar Mitzvah I never had. I’m jewish didn’t get to celebrate my “manhood” back when I was 13.

12 years later and I’m only now becoming a man.

Back to the mushroom.

So as the journey was beginning and I felt what was like a psychic tsunami building and on its way toward me, I heard the phrase “You want more? They’ll give you more.” pop into my mind. It came out of my daunting feeling that total annihilation was on its way, and the equally powerful desire for it to come.

Mushroom journeys are powerful. But have you tried the medicine called life???

I feel similarly these days, and it has (almost) nothing to do with mushrooms. It feels as though life has a tsunami building at all times, on its way toward me, ready to destroy me. That is, my destruction of ego of course. Life does what mushrooms did for me all those years ago. And it does it because I embrace it.

I meet the knowing of tsunamis not by building sea walls, but by building a bigger boat and embracing it.

I constantly tell life to give me more emotional awareness, more regulation, more adventure, more truth, more strength, more fulfillment.

I tell life I want to speak my truth and embody grounded masculinity. Life gives me endless opportunities to face the heavy emotions that make me want to play small and be ungrounded. I tell life I want to have deep fulfilling partnership. Life brought me a beautiful woman who points out my shadow like it’s her full time job. But guess what, life also brought to me in the same woman, the truest and purest love I have ever felt.

“You want more? They’ll give you more.” ARE YOU READY?

Everyday. Every step that I call in more of life, life comes with more challenge. More destruction. The best kind of destruction.

The best kind of destruction is still damn painful, but it brings with it an awareness and strength that I have to muster in order to face it. It brings the deep emotional, physical and spiritual presence that is required for the hardest moments. It brings the deep inner trust to fully feel joy in the face of adventure.

Long story short… You want more? You KNOW what “they’ll” give you.

More. You want a full life. Life will give it to you… in the form of experiences that build your capacity to HOLD what you want. You want to host a mens group? Life will bring emotional conflict into your life so you learn how to handle it. You want to trust the universe? Life will bring you experiences that test that trust. You want more money? Life will bring you things that shed light on your relationship to finances. You want xyz? You get the point.

Life wants you to grow. And it’s constantly showing you how. When we shy away from the pain, we miss out on the gifts. Because without the capacity to build a boat and ride the tsunami, we can never get to where the big wave of life wants to take us.

David J. Bokser 10-29-2024

Embrace all of life in community.
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